Subtlety
by TangiblyYours
Summary: "Because I loved him, and really, how could that ever be subtle, in the first place?" Logan has been in love with his best friend for as long as he can remember, and really, all he wants is simplicity. Kendall/Logan slash.


**Title:** Subtlety

**Summary:** "Because I loved him, and really, how could that ever be _subtle_, in the first place? No, I don't suppose subtlety was really ever my best asset." Logan has been in love with his best friend for as long as he can remember. And all he really wants is simplicity. Slash.

**Warnings: **No real warnings with this one, other than maybe some minor language.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Big Time Rush nor any of the characters involved. No copyright infringement intended.

* * *

_"Every man has his own destiny;  
the only imperative is to follow it,  
to accept it,  
no matter where it leads him."  
-Henry Miller._

* * *

My entire thought process was based upon subtlety and manipulation.

Or at least, that's what I had told myself numerously.

That when I would sneak sidelong glances at him, not one person could possibly be aware of my true intentions. That no one could ever notice that way I—very tenuously, of course—would lean toward him, seeking out the heat that so achingly radiated off from his entire form. That not a single soul on this planet could, conceivably, be aware of my feelings for him—the way my blood would boil when I was around him as though my emotions were a tangible form, coursing through my veins and setting my every nerve-ending alight with all things associated with _him._

And I was _smart_, so the flaw in my ingenious and, supposedly, infallible discretion should have been obvious from the beginning. That no matter how cautious and careful I was, he would just _know_, because he knew _everything _about me, and despite how hard I tried... I could never really understand that.

He could always seem read my emotions, despite my best efforts at hiding them within a metaphorical steel-casing, locked with an equally metaphorical, heart-shaped key. He could see through every one of my acts, effortlessly, as though _knowing me_ was almost comparable to _existing_. And he could tear down every single one of my barriers with a single syllable, causing my entire form to unravel at the seams, and I wouldn't even consider questioning it.

Because I loved him, and really, how could that ever be _subtle_, in the first place?

No, I don't suppose subtlety was really ever my best asset—despite what I had initially told myself—especially with _him_ and his sufficient understanding of all things _me._

So I moved onto my next option: simplicity.

I didn't allow myself to think too deeply on the subject and if I wanted to lean a little closer to him... I wouldn't even hesitate. If I wanted to reach out and grasp his arm, just to feel physically connected in some way, I would do it without even thinking, because that was _simple and easy._

And so when the actuality of my feelings were brought forth by one of my, supposedly unknowing, best friends, I couldn't bring myself to feel even remotely surprised.

"So, Logan, when _exactly _are you going to tell him you love him?"

Casual_._ As though what he was saying was the most natural formation of letters and words into a sentence that couldn't possibly be anything but the truth. And it was the truth, so I simply shrugged, offered James my signature crooked smile, and replied in kind, "Not yet."

_Natural. _Because that's what my feelings were; they were straightforward and familiar, and they had been there ever since the day I had met him. Emotions, like fire, that burned so deeply that they were completely engraved into my heart and, in a way, completely unmistakable.

And every single day following that moment, James would ask me that same question in that same tone. Casual. _How about today? No? Alright, well maybe tomorrow. What are you waiting for?_

_Not yet, James... _

_You could spend your whole life waiting for the right moment, Logan._

_Stop being so philosophical. This? This is simple._

And suddenly, it wasn't so much about simplicity but, rather, patience.

Until one night when we were all sitting together, watching a movie, James' words entered my mind unexpectedly and, God, what if he was right? I could feel my mind start working like a line of gears, cogs connected and moving at a steady rate and, suddenly, the urge to _just tell him _was so irrepressible that it felt like I couldn't possibly wait another second.

Resignation.

My body shifted, facing him as my heart thrummed against my ribcage unsteadily; my expression vulnerable and my blood running rampant through my veins. "Kendall?"

And it was as though he had been waiting for the moment, the movie playing on the screen completely forgotten about as he watched me with an expectant expression. James and Carlos continued watching the movie, paying no notice because they were too caught up in discreetly leaning closer to _each other_, and really, they were even less subtle than I was.

"Yeah?"

"I love you." Soft. Confident. And still so natural that James and Carlos weren't even slightly interested.

His expression was so warm and open and everything I expected because he already knew _everything _about me, and I couldn't possibly consider him reacting any differently. And before I was even aware that I had shifted, my entire form was tucked under his arm, my head resting on his chest as I wrapped my arms around him. "Yeah?"

I hummed softly in response, brushing my cheek against the material of his light blue shirt.

"You finally told him you love him, then? Good." James' voice was soft and warm as he finally turned his attention to me, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips.

"Yeah, James."

And right before my lips met Kendall's, I noticed the way James was looking at Carlos, seemingly subtle, and the entire process started all over again. Subtlety, simplicity, patience and resignation.

I couldn't help but smile, because, well... every single one of us knew how that would end.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I initially wrote this to play around with my writing style and see would I could make of it. It's certainly very odd, but that was the approached I had intended for... Also, I'm aware of how utterly fluffy this entire thing is, and really, I hope it's not too unbearable. It was a fun little experiment, and I hope you guys enjoy reading! :)

Thanks again!

Also, reviews are about as lovely as Logan's metaphorical, heart-shaped key. ;D


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